


(Un)Planned Parenthood

by RatOuttaHell



Series: (Un)Planned Parenthood [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Inconsistent Accents, M/M, THERE'S A BABY GUYS, Trans Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12002127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatOuttaHell/pseuds/RatOuttaHell
Summary: So, the whole pregnancy thing is over, and now Roadhog and Junkrat are figuring out how to go about raising a baby as former international criminals and members of an outlawed military organization. Fun!This is going to be a lot more freeform than "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." More like a series of vignettes than a linear work.*NO SET UPDATE SCHEDULE I MEAN IT THIS TIME*





	1. Roadhog's Day

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! I'm b-b-b-back with this series! I had a different plan for the first chapter, but I guess this one wanted to be written, so here ya go! have fun!

The day started at 1:30 in the morning, with a sharp cry that tore Roadhog's eyes open from a peaceful rest.

Phoenix. Roadhog loved the kid like nobody's business, but  _ damn _ could they ever screech. He was half tempted to roll over and shake Junkrat awake, but his partner beat him to it.

“Mako,” Junkrat said, sheets rustling as he turned. His voice was heavy with sleep and he slurred the name. Probably never even opened his eyes, unlike Roadhog. “They're callin' for ya.”

“They can't talk,” rumbled Roadhog, staring up at the darkened ceiling.

“They want their dad,” insisted Junkrat.

“We're both the dad,” said Roadhog. To that, Junkrat had no response, but Roadhog rolled over and pushed himself off the bed nonetheless. Since Nix had been born, Junkrat had been doing his best impression of a Responsible Adult, taking on at least his fair share of the fatherly duties. Still on paternity leave from his Overwatch missions, Roadhog could stand to sacrifice a night's sleep.

Another night's sleep.

Rubbing grit from his eyes, Roadhog ambled out towards Phoenix's room. The new suite Overwatch had furnished them after the birth was impressive, with more than enough room for two dads and a baby. And a pair of rats. Still, there was some part of Roadhog that wished that they were all sleeping in the same room. Well, maybe not the rats – Junkrat insisted they were as clean as a cat or dog, but Roadhog wasn't so sure. But sharing a room was what he had done with his first kid, and the distance between he and Rat and Phoenix sometimes felt like miles. What if, just this once, they didn't just need food or a diaper change? What if this time they were sick and immediately needed to be taken to see Angela or risk death?

Roadhog felt that, as a second time father, he probably shouldn't worry so much. Babies cried. He knew that. It was one of their only ways of conveying their needs. But he couldn't let his guard down. Phoenix was too precious. He couldn't lose….

He wouldn't let himself finish the thought. Stepping into the baby's room, he turned flicked on the switch to the light projector. Sometimes the gentle glow of artificial ocean waves was enough to calm Phoenix down – maybe it would work this time?

Another wail. Well, it was worth a shot.

Roadhog stared down into the crib where his infant child lay, little fists balled up tight, face red, body twisting in displeasure. Not a happy baby. He could smell no immediate signals that Phoenix's diaper needed to be changed, but he sniffed them as he picked them up anyway. Nope. Just that sweet, sweet baby scent. He held them with the utmost care; Phoenix seemed to be growing every day, but they were still only a couple months old. Roadhog had thought before that he was aware of his size, but seeing how Phoenix fit neatly into the palms of his hands made him feel larger than ever before. Except, of course, for when he'd held his son all those years ago. But now his strength felt clumsy and even dangerous. What he'd done with those hands….

Just another thought to push away. Right now, these hands were for holding, for protecting. Roadhog told himself that was all that mattered.

“What's wrong?” he asked in his gentlest voice. “Hungry?”

But Phoenix was already starting to calm down, their cries fading as Roadhog stroked their downy black hair. Maybe they'd just needed some contact. That happened sometimes, on easier nights. Still, it couldn't hurt to see if Phoenix would eat. Maybe he could avoid another early morning wakeup call today.

Roadhog gently bounced the baby, holding them close to his chest as he carried them into the kitchen. Shifting Phoenix to one arm, he pulled out some powdered formula and mixed it with water. He and Angela had both told Junkrat that they could prepare formula ahead of time as long as it didn't sit in the fridge for more than a day, but Roadhog's partner was a little… neurotic about these things. To say the least. Junkrat hated bathing, had gone weeks (or more) without it in the scorching Outback sun, but he broke out in a panic if anyone so much as sniffled near Nix. Roadhog snorted at the thought and heated up the formula on the stove.

“Early breakfast,” he said to Phoenix as he offered them the bottle. Sure enough, Nix latched onto the bottle and drank eagerly. That'd give Junkrat and Roadhog at least an extra half hour of sleep.

Even as they drank, Nix's eyes started to drift closed. Roadhog gently removed the bottle only to be greeted with another howl of discontent. From their shared room, Roadhog heard Junkrat roll over again and groan. Roadhog could picture him, his body all balled up, desperately trying to secure a pillow over his ears to muffle the sound. Junkrat had his own pair of earplugs for when he had to take care of a crying Phoenix, but he couldn't sleep with them in. Said it made him feel like his head was going to explode (“when I take ‘em out me brain's gonna leak out me ears, Roadie!”). If Roadhog didn't take care of this soon, he was going to have to deal with a crying Junkrat when he got back to their room.

Roadhog placed Nix over his shoulder, rubbing circles on their back with feather-light pressure. It must have been enough, because within moments, Nix had stopped crying and spit up over his shoulder with a wet burping noise. Roadhog grimaced. He didn't have Rat's particular set of sensory issues, but the sensation of warm spit-up dribbling down his bare skin was still less than pleasant. He leaned over for a dishtowel and wiped himself off before heading back to Phoenix's room and sitting down in an appropriately Roadhog-sized armchair. He eased Nix back into his hands and started humming. Some old song he couldn't remember the name or words for. Before long, the baby was fast asleep. Roadhog set them down in their crib and quietly returned to his and Junkrat's room.

“Anything wrong?” mumbled Junkrat.

“No,” said Roadhog, slipping back into bed. “Just wanted their dad. Like you said.”

“Ha,” said Junkrat quietly. “Told ya so.” Roadhog kissed him on the forehead.

“Sure did.”

 

* * *

 

That afternoon found Junkrat, Roadhog, and Phoenix in the living room. Nix was wide awake again, but this time they were gurgling and giggling instead of howling in nonverbal baby rage. Junkrat lay on his side on the floor, watching with adoring orange eyes as Nix kicked their legs and stuck their toes into their mouth. In spite of being woken up pre-asscrack-of-dawn, he seemed to be wide awake. Probably from the full pot of coffee he consumed every morning. One of the perks of not being able to breastfeed was that he could almost whatever he wanted in his body without screwing with Phoenix's precious baby diet. Couldn't be good for him, though, Roadhog pointed out. To which Junkrat stuck out his tongue and said nothing further.

Roadhog, on the other hand, was beginning to slip, dozing in his giant chair, which sat next to a much more standard-sized one that he wouldn't lose Junkrat to. He hadn't known that the expression “nodding off” was so literal until he was a few months into parenthood, his head jerking back up at the slightest sign of something amiss. Which could be anything, honestly. While his first child had been a fairly calm baby, Phoenix woke up at the smallest sounds. Being in a military base where a number of other people lived didn't help that. And, if Roadhog didn't know better, he would've sworn that Nix woke up for no other reason than to stir up a bit of trouble. The little fireball. Of course, he thought, smiling to himself, he shouldn't have expected any different, considering their other father. Wouldn't trade either of them for the world.

Junkrat abruptly sat up, eyes wide and a little wild.

“Maybe we should take them out,” he said. In Roadhog's exhausted state, he wasn't quite sure what Junkrat was talking about. Take who out? They hadn't been hunted in roughly a year now, not since their conscription into Overwatch. There shouldn't be anyone to take out. Still, the words startled Roadhog awake, and he sat bolt upright in his chair before Junkrat continued.

“Ya know, to socialize or whatever,” he said. Breathing a sigh of relief, Roadhog sank back down.

“Where?” he asked. “Cafeteria? Training grounds?” They lived on a secret military base; it wasn't like there were any nearby parks to take Phoenix to. Maybe if they'd been able to go out it would've been easier, but even in civvies they cut a rather distinct figure. Which had been an acceptable risk to take before, but not with a baby. Maybe they could have Ana take Phoenix out one day. Except that she was supposed to be dead. Maybe… Lucio and Hana? The thought of the two of them out in public with  _ his _ baby sat uneasily with Roadhog, but Junkrat would probably be all for it.

“Dunno,” replied Junkrat. “Around the base, maybe? Everyone's always comin' to us, 'cept when we bring little Nix,” Junkrat booped Phoenix on the nose, eliciting another peal of laughter, “to the doctor's.” Roadhog considered. Probably nothing terrible would happen if they took the baby to walk around the compound a little bit, and Phoenix hardly ever got out. Maybe they could even walk around the perimeter for a while.

“Alright,” he said finally. “Strap 'em in.”

Junkrat squealed in delight, jumping up to grab his baby-carrying harness. “Feels good,” he'd said once, “like carrying around a warm, squirmy little bomb.” The only explosions, he'd gone on to mention, were shit and puke. Roadhog had sighed at that. His chosen life-partner had quite the way with words.

“Alroight, Nix,” said Junkrat, securing the baby in their bright yellow harness. “We're gonna go for a little trip.” Laughing wildly, he rushed out the door before Roadhog could even get up out of his chair and strap on his mask. A moment later his blonde head poked back around the door frame, wearing a petulant scowl.

“Whatchu waitin' for?” he asked. Without answering, Roadhog stood up and grabbed his mask, affixing it firmly over his face. Working for Overwatch didn't mean they got to see every part of him. Besides, it beat carrying an inhaler around. Junkrat smiled sheepishly.

“Roight,” he said. “Sorry about that, love.” Roadhog shook his head wearily and met Junkrat at the door. His partner had perked right back up and was waiting, jogging in place. Roadhog, who currently felt like the world's largest sloth, both admired and resented his highly caffeinated energy. They wandered around the compound for a while, Junkrat constantly quipping at Roadhog to catch up. Nix did some looking around, but with nothing too colorful or patterned at the base, mostly stared at their closest dad. Who was, incidentally, wearing a shirt that was both extremely colorful and garishly patterned. Lucio and Hana needed to be stopped when it came to the shopping field trips.

“Hey look!” exclaimed Junkrat at the sight of two approaching figures. “It's Mei and the Pink Lady!”

“Zarya,” provided Roadhog.

“Zarya, roight,” said Junkrat. He waved broadly and smiled. “Oi, Zarya, Mei! How's it hangin'?”

“Junkrat,” said Mei, startled. Her eyes narrowed. “What are you doing out here?”

“Whaddya mean 'what am I doing out here?'” asked Junkrat defensively. “Can't a bloke go on a walk with his baby without a motive?”

“ _ You _ can't,” said Mei. The relationship between Mei and Junkrat was definitely better than it had been when he and Roadhog had first joined Overwatch – she had even gifted them the pair of much beloved rats – but Mei still harbored a healthy amount of suspicion for Junkrat. Probably a smart move on her part; up until he'd been incapacitated by his pregnancy, Junkrat had mostly been up to no good when wandering the hallways. The idea of him using the baby as a smokescreen now that he could get around again wasn't an entirely ridiculous one, Roadhog had to admit. Zarya, on the other hand, did not seem to harbor such a doubt, if the shaking of her head was any indication.

“No, no,” she said. “He won't cause trouble. He is with his husband.”

“Partner,” corrected Junkrat, which stung a part of Roadhog somewhere deep down. He buried that sting immediately.

“Partner,” repeated Zarya. She flashed a wide, white grin at Roadhog. “You'll keep him in line, yes?” While Junkrat turned bright red and spluttered, Roadhog only nodded, eliciting a hardy laugh from the large woman. Her attention turned towards the baby strapped to Junkrat's chest.

“Hello, Baby Rat,” she cooed. Phoenix turned their head in Zarya and Mei's general direction, but was unable to crane their neck far enough to actually see.

“You gotta be to the side,” said Junkrat begrudgingly. “And get real close.” Zarya followed Junkrat's instructions, followed by Mei, who seemed to have been distracted from her suspicion by the presence of a cute baby. Roadhog couldn't blame her – he got distracted every time he looked at Phoenix, too.

“You're a good one, aren't you?” asked Mei, her tone sing-song and sweet. “Not like your father.”

“You gonna let her talk to you like that, Roadie?” asked Junkrat.

“She was talkin' ’bout you,” said Roadhog. Mei nodded, a wide smile on her face as she stared into Nix's round eyes.

“Alright,” she said finally. “I have work to do.” She waved at the baby. “I'll see you later, little Phoenix.”

“Goodbye, Baby Rat,” said Zarya. Junkrat gently took Phoenix's arm and waved it as the two retreated.

“See?” he said. “Gettin' out there, talkin' to people.” Roadhog grunted in agreement. He didn't point out that they were people who didn't trust Junkrat as far as they could throw him. A baby seemed to smooth over all interpersonal problems. And, speaking of interpersonal problems…

“What's  _ he  _ doin' here?” snarled Junkrat. Because who was walking down the hall but Jesse Motherfuckin' McCree. The two hadn't had any run-ins since Junkrat had given birth, but that almost made it worse, magnified the situation that had ended with Junkrat crying and Roadhog passively threatening the cowboy last time they'd met. To his credit, McCree did look shamefaced as he walked closer to the Junkers. It was a strange look on him, but not a horrible one.

“Howdy there,” he said. Even the innocuous greeting set Junkrat bristling, wrapping his arms around Phoenix as he practically growled in contempt. Roadhog didn't like the guy either, but he highly doubted that he was going to hurt the baby.

“'Howdy' yourself,  _ partner _ ,” spat Junkrat.

“Listen,” said McCree, rubbing the back of his head. “About last time I saw ya… I'm--”

Before he could finish, a loud boom echoed from the nearby training grounds. Junkrat let go of Nix's body to cover his own ears. And suddenly it was happening again – Phoenix's beautiful little face started to screw up and turn red. Then came the wailing.

McCree looked absolutely horrified.

“Now look whatcha did!” said Junkrat, swooping in close to McCree and prodding a metal finger directly into his chest.

“That wasn't my--” McCree was cut off again, this time by Roadhog.

“Leave,” he growled. He knew that it wasn't McCree's fault, but this was the same man who had made his partner cry when he was pregnant and never apologized for it. Roadhog harbored no small amount of resentment towards him. He didn't want McCree anywhere near Phoenix when he and Junkrat were trying to calm them down. McCree tipped his hat over his eyes and hurried away from the Junkers and their howling baby. Several seconds in and Roadhog, still exhausted from this morning's ordeal, was getting a headache. Amazingly enough, in spite of his proximity to the crying baby, Junkrat wasn't even covering his ears. Instead, he was covering and uncovering his face in a futile game of peekaboo. Every time he removed his hands, he made a funny face, blowing his eyes wide or sticking out his tongue. Phoenix did not seem impressed. Junkrat sighed.

“They like it better when you do it, yanno,” he said, looking at Roadhog. Roadhog nodded and knelt down to the baby's eye level.

“Nix,” he said. The baby continued to thrash and scream, but they moved their face so that they were looking at Roadhog. Or would've been, if their eyes had been opened. Roadhog pulled down his mask and grinned at Phoenix. “Peekaboo!” At the sound of the word, Nix opened their eyes, tears still glistening on their tomato of a face. Roadhog brought his mask back up to his face and slipped it down again.

“Peekaboo!” he said. The tension in the baby's face eased, and, miraculously, they started to smile and laugh. Phoenix reached out for Roadhog's mask, tiny hands exploring the leather of the snout and the glass of the eyeholes just like Junkrat had done so many times. Junkrat, too, broke out into a smile, the circles under his eyes betraying how tired he was.

“How 'bout we go back?” he said. Roadhog nodded.

They'd had a big enough outing for one day.

 

* * *

 

 

Nighttime. Everyone had eaten their dinner, including a bottle for Phoenix. Junkrat had settled into the chair, sprawled across Roadhog's lap while his partner balanced the baby on his stomach. This time it was Junkrat who was humming some wordless tune. He didn't know any older songs, though, so he was humming some modern pop song he'd probably heard with Lucio and Hana. Probably nothing that was suitable for a lullaby, either, but Roadhog wasn't about to complain. Junkrat's off-key tune was the sweetest music to his fatigued brain. His eyes started to slip closed.

He'd never expected to end up like this. Not after the omnics stole his land. Not after the ALF. Not after the explosion at the omnium. Not after the wastelands. If someone had told him that, after losing everything, he would manage to find a family again… well, he would've blown their head off for fucking with him.

As he fell asleep, two hearts beating with his, he couldn't help but wonder how he had it so good. 


	2. Love Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TIME FOR A GRATUITOUS AND SELF-INDULGENT SLEEPOVER! This chapter's all about slumber parties, friendship, falling in love, and brutal limb damage! Yay!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey! told you there wouldn't be any set update schedule! :D ALSO! GUESS WHICH FIC IS NO LONGER CANON-COMPLIANT! THIS ONE!
> 
> tws for this chapter: amputation mention, past violence that's not quite graphic but still more than just referenced, ptsd flashbacks, trauma, panic attacks.

Mako “Roadhog” Rutledge and Jamison “Junkrat” Fawkes. The infamous criminal duo had terrorized good, decent folks across international borders. The two thought of themselves as anarchists (or, at least, Junkrat did), but the majority of the world regarded them as a pair of criminals: the dirty, unhinged demolitionist and his massive bodyguard, armed with a hook and over 500 pounds of pure mass. Formed by years of bitterness in the aftermath of the Omnic Crisis and by a radioactive wasteland no one cared much to think about, Roadhog and Junkrat seemed to delight in pure chaos and violence. Their erratic patterns only served to breed further fear: what kind of maniacs would murder any omnic they could get their hands on and then proceed to steal all the pachimari plush from a Hanamura arcade? The duo had cut an impressive path of terror on nearly every continent on Earth (Antarctica coming soon, Junkrat had promised). And then, all of a sudden, they had disappeared.

It had been roughly a year since Junkrat and Roadhog had raised a ruckus big enough for any news outlet to cover it. Months and months of absolute havoc and then radio silence. No news of police capture, no trail of gunpowder and ash to follow. No smoke in the distance.

So what had happened to Roadhog and Junkrat? Had Junkrat finally been captured by some shady underground organization for his infamous and mysterious treasure? Had they been killed unceremoniously in a back alley somewhere, their bodies weighted down and thrown a river? Offed themselves in a fiery explosion somewhere in the anonymous wasteland they had once called home?

Where had they gone?

 

* * *

 

 

Presently, Junkrat sat atop a pile of plush pink and green pillows, his head resting on Roadhog's belly. Hana had invited them to sit on the bed with her and Lucio, but, knowing that the bed wouldn't be able to support Roadhog's size or weight, Junkrat had declined. He would rather be on the floor with his partner.

Even Junkrat had to admit that two grown men with a baby having a sleepover with their two (also adult, but childless) friends was pretty silly – Hana was the only one whose age was even remotely suited to a sleepover. But the Outback didn't really offer many opportunities for sleepovers, and the novelty was too exciting to resist, so they recruited Torbjorn into the babysitting business and headed over nextdoor. Roadhog had grumbled that, having just passed his 50 th birthday, he was too old for this kind of thing, but there he sat beside Junkrat, hugging a pachimari roughly the size of baby Phoenix to his chest with one arm. His other arm was looped around his partner's scrawny shoulders.

Of course, to top it all off, the quartet was playing truth or dare. Or at least, three of them were. Roadhog responded to all invitations for truths and dares with dismissive grunts. Junkrat knew that if he hadn't been so deprived of a normal childhood, Roadhog wouldn't have gone along with any of this. He  _ had _ drawn the line as soon as Hana had said “spin the bottle,” though. Junkrat still wasn't sure what that one was all about.

“So,” started Hana. “When did you two fall in  _ loooooooove _ ?” She drew out the o, wiggling her fingers and eyebrows simultaneously. Meanwhile, Lucio’s face was growing darker with embarrassment. He'd already complied with a dare to run up and down the hall in his underwear, only to run into both Ana  _ and _ Fareeha Amari. Junkrat didn't really see what the big deal was. He ran around shirtless all the time. Sometimes with a baby strapped to his chest. Besides, the question didn't embarrass Junkrat. It just irritated him a little bit.

“What kind of a question is that?” he asked. “Who can remember when they fell in love with--”

“Crushed his leg,” Roadhog interrupted. Junkrat gaped at him, unsure of how to respond.

“That’s real nice, Roadie, but it’s truth or dare, not a confession session.” He took a second to giggle at his own little rhyme. Roadhog groaned.

“Not confessing,” he said. “That’s when.”

“You fell in love with me when you crushed my leg?” said Junkrat. “Little sick, ain’t that, love?” Roadhog nodded.

“Maybe,” he said. “But it’s true.”

“Hold up,” said Lucio, fully distracted from his embarrassment by this new information. “You  _ crushed _ his  _ leg _ ?”

“The peg one?” asked Hana.

“Of course it was the peg one,” snipped Junkrat. He turned to Roadhog and whispered. “You sure you wanna tell this story now?”

“No,” said roadhog. “Question over.”

“Come  _ on _ ,” said Hana. “You can’t just leave it there.” Roadhog folded his arms across his chest and did not speak.

“Foine foine,” said Junkrat. “I’ll tell it then.

“It was a beautiful day in the Australian Outback,” he started, gesturing so broadly with his arms that he almost smacked Hog in the face. Oblivious, he continued on. “Sun burning hot enough to scorch your skin off, six-legged lizards scuttlin' about. Lovely day to hide out in a shack rigged all around with traps and bombs, hopin' the bounty hunters'll leave ya alone so you can get a little bit of peace an' quiet.

“But, you can't stay in forever, yanno? Sometimes you don't plan right. Run outta food. So ya wait 'til nighttime an' sneak outta my little hidey-hole to look for somethin' to eat and whaddya know, there's this huge sonofabitch waitin' just outside that ring o' traps an' bombs ya worked so hard on. So ya make to scurry back in, but it turns out he's got ya hooked. Literally!” Junkrat barked out a laugh. “Nails all in your back an' everythin'! So this bastard, he's got this real deep voice that, if you’re bein' honest, kinda turns you on a little bit, an' he's askin' about your treasure, but you’re never gonna give that up. Made a pact with yourself, and 'sides, he's gonna kill ya after he finds out, anyway. So ya try to make a break for it, even manage to weasel your way outta the hook, but this bastard… he grabs your leg and just… squeezes.”

He laughed again, but this time it was a little more nervous. A bit lightheaded. He could feel that giant hand, the one he barely even associates with Roadhog anymore, tightening around the ghost of his right leg. He could feel the bones breaking in it, getting crushed into tiny pieces. The room was starting to spin. Junkrat felt a hand clap gently against his back and flinched against the contact. The hand retreated immediately.

Even through the panic-induced haze, Junkrat could see the horrified expressions on Hana and Lucio's faces. It almost made him angry. How dare they pity him? And how dare they not share his experience – the terror, the agony? He put his head on his folded knees and took slow, practiced breaths. In three, hold three, out three. Fill your stomach like a balloon. Hold the breath in your lungs. 

“I think that's enough,” said Roadhog. Junkrat nodded automatically before changing his mind and shaking his head.

“Nah,” he said shakily. He looked up at Roadhog, at that unsympathetic mask, and knew that there was a human face underneath it. If they hadn’t been in front of people, he would’ve lifted the mask off right there and then. “Nah, it’s not. I wanna know how that whole shitshow made you fall in love. Ya sick bastard.”

“Wasn't that part,” said Roadhog. “It was right before you blacked out. You looked up at me and smiled. Asked if I wanted to go fifty-fifty. If I wanted to be your bodyguard.” He shook his head. “What kind of idiot asks the guy who just crushed his leg to be his bodyguard?”

“Don't remember it,” said Junkrat, starting to smile as he eased out of his panic attack. “Makes sense, though. Someone crushes yer leg with one bare hand – who doesn't want that guy on yer side?”

“Anyone sane,” answered Roadhog flatly. He went on. “So I cut off the leg, gave you some Hogdrogen to clean you up a little bit, made sure you didn't die. Went fifty-fifty. Fell in love a little.” Junkrat giggled and pushed Roadhog playfully in the chest.

“Sick bastard,” he said again.

“Junkrat, I'm sorry,” said Hana, shamefaced. “I didn't mean… you didn't have to….”

“It wasn't cool of me to push,” said Lucio, shaking his head. “I'm sorry.” Junkrat waved them off.

“Nah, it's fine,” he said. “I'm feelin' a lot better now. Y’know how I am. ’Sides, don't you want to know how I fell in love with Roadie?”

“Uh, sure?” said Hana, still looking vaguely horrified at the whole situation.

“So obviously I wasn't super keen on the big fella for a while after that,” said Junkrat. “Slept with one eye open, didn't sleep at all, whatever. To make everythin' worse, he saw me cryin' that one time, which is somethin' ya just can't let someone see. Saw a lot of things he wasn't s'posed to.” He smiled up at Roadhog. “But he didn't hurt me for 'em. Never even threatened. In Oz, it's not like that, even if you've got a deal. An' it was a pretty flimsy deal. He didn't even know for sure that there  _ was _ treasure! But he did all kindsa things he shouldn't've. Shook down doctors for me juice, even though it wasn't part of the bargain. Figured out me favorite snacks an' lifted 'em for me. Took better care of me than he was paid for.” He shook his head. “Might seem like little stuff, but it's not like that in Oz. People look out for ya because it's good for  _ them _ , not because it's good for  _ you _ .”

“Lookin' out for you  _ was _ good for me,” said Roadhog. “Still is.”

“Cut it out! I'm gonna blush,” said Junkrat. He addressed his audience again. “Not quite as dramatic as Roadie's story, but that's how it happened for me.”

“That's… pretty sweet, Junkrat,” said Lucio. Hana nodded. The room was silent for a few very noticeable seconds before Hana raised her hand excitedly in the air and waved it.

“Ooh, ooh!” she said. “I've got another good one for Lucio!” Lucio groaned.

“No way,” he said. “No more dares for me tonight. I'm calling it – game's dead.”

“Awww, come on,” said Hana. “You can't just call the game off!” She looked pleadingly over at Junkrat. “It's Rat's first time playing!”

“Sorry, little sheila,” said Junkrat. The exhaustion of his little attack was finally hitting him. He could feel his body shaking slightly, an aftershock of full-blown panic, and his brain was all foggy. “I'm on board with callin' it quits for now.” Hana visibly deflated, but her face relaxed and turned almost apologetic. Junkrat tried not to fault her for it, but he hated being treated like something fragile. Even when he damn well knew he was sometimes.

“Alright,” said Hana. “I guess we could play a video game. One of the classics. Anyone up for GTA?” Junkrat perked up immediately.

“Can I cheat an' get the rocket launcher right away?” he asked, bouncing up and down where he sat. Hana stuck her tongue out at him and winked.

“Um,  _ duh _ ,” she said.

“I'm in!” cried Junkrat.

 

* * *

 

 

About two hours later, half of the four party-goers were completely passed out. Roadhog lay on his side on the floor, snoring loudly with his head cushioned by a large pile of plush toys. Lucio was sprawled out on his own bed, completely and blissfully unaware of the monocle and curlicue mustache drawn on his face in black permanent marker. Roadhog's thunderous snoring didn't seem to bother him one bit. Hana had said that he could be a deep sleeper, but it took a real champion to sleep through  _ that _ without years of practice. Hana and Junkrat were still awake, playing video games at a much lower volume than they had been before. Junkrat's exhaustion had, as it often did, turned into wired, chaotic energy that was now beginning to dip back down again. His eyes kept drifting half shut before Hana could elbow him and tell him that the cops were on his tail.

“'M losin' me edge,” he mumbled as he gunned it to avoid another tragically short game.

“Well, you look dead tired,” said Hana. Junkrat shook his head, then handed the controller to her as his little guy onscreen fell dead on the asphalt.

“Used to be the sound of police sirens'd get me all riled up,” he said. “Better dead tired than dead, right?” He laughed. Neither Roadhog nor Lucio stirred even the slightest bit at the sound. Roadhog must've been losing his edge, too. Not having to look over your shoulder every second of every day would do that to you.

“Never was much of a driver, though,” said Junkrat. “Not a  _ good _ one, anyway. Loved joyrides, though. But Roadie did most of the driving.” Hana nodded.

“About… about you and Roadhog,” she said, pausing the game. Junkrat cocked his head to the side. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“Nah,” he said. Hana's eyes widened. “Look, I'll never be okay, thinkin' about it. Not okay with losin' me arm, neither. But Hog's never hurt me since, an' it's not like he  _ knew _ me back then. I was an outlaw, he was an Enforcer. Don't exactly make for a pleasant introduction.”

“I guess not,” said Hana.

“You know Roadie,” said Junkrat. “He's a real gentleman. Taught me how to breathe right and count to ten and all of that. Knows how to control his anger, use it at the right times. Wouldn't ever hurt me with it.” He glanced over at Roadhog, snoring through his mask, and leaned in close to Hana.

“He has nightmares about it, too,” he whispered. “The leg thing. Almost as many as I used to. Me? I don't have a problem unless I think about it. He's still all wrapped up in shit that happened  _ ages _ ago, though.”

“I guess I  _ don't _ know him that well,” said Hana.

“There's a lot to the guy,” said Junkrat. “Lots goin' on in there. Guess it makes sense. Big person, big thoughts. Don't people say that?” Hana giggled.

“I've never heard anyone say that,” she said. “Look, Junkrat, I'm sorry for asking earlier. I didn't know that it was going to be so difficult for you.” Junkrat scowled.

“I can handle meself, okay?” he said. “I don't say shit if I don't wanna say it. An' I don't need you handlin' me like I'm one of them foldy-paper things.”

“Origami?” asked Hana.

“Those!” said Junkrat. “Don't treat me like some orry-gammy thing.”

“It's not that,” said Hana. She lowered her voice. “Look, I know what it's like to… feel like that. Not my leg, I mean. Like. With MEKA… the omnic just wouldn't give up. It just kept learning and coming back, learning and coming back, stronger every time and… I've watched people die. People  _ my _ age, my  _ friends _ , and…. It was all a game until it wasn’t, and I knew it could be me, too. It's scary. Even when I'm not fighting, it's still scary. Sometimes Lucio wakes me up because I'm screaming in my sleep.”

“Sounds familiar,” said Junkrat.

“What I mean to say,” said Hana. “Is that I know what it's like to relive something horrifying. If I had known that it was going to do that to you, I wouldn't have asked the question in the first place.”

“It's okay,” said Junkrat. They sat in silence for a moment, before Junkrat added, “You're a good friend, Hana. I mean, I've had some piss-poor excuses for friends, but you're a good one.” Hana offered a small but genuine smile briefly before snorting.

“You're getting sappy,” she said.

“Am not!” protested Junkrat.

“Yes you are!” said Hana. “The great Junkrat, internationally wanted criminal, is sitting next to me at a sleepover talking about friendship while his  _ baby _ is sleeping down the hall!” Laughing, Junkrat clapped his hand over Hana's mouth. The metal one, so that she wouldn't do that hand-licking thing (because God knew he did every time someone covered his mouth).

“Don't say it so loud,” he said in a mock whisper. “I'll lose all that hard-earned respect I've won.” Hana pulled his hand off her mouth.

“What respect?” she asked, smiling wickedly. Junkrat let out a delighted shriek and moved to hit her with a pillow before the bedsheets rustled and Lucio half sat up, mumbling something about keeping it down. The mustache moved when he talked, and with his eyes only partway opened it looked like he was squinting through his monocle.

“Yes, sir,” whispered Hana. She elbowed Junkrat, who was shaking with unrealized giggles. “I'm gonna turn the lights off, okay?”

“Foine by me,” said Junkrat. He turned off the TV and scooted his way over to Roadhog, lifting a large arm so it flopped over his chest. He looked up at Hana, who was almost to the lightswitch. “Hey, Hana?” She paused and looked back.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” She winked.

“Any time.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heavy rain voice: "origammy killa"
> 
> I'm losin it just a little bit friends. I have so many ideas for this fic but I'm having soooo much trouble finishing them up to make coherent chapters. it's also a little harder for me to research babies than pregnancy? anyway, phoenix isn't really in this chapter, sorry :/ they will be in the next one, though! whenever that comes out, lol. I mean, I really do hope to get the next chapter out sooner, but with my spotty work ethic and wavering mental health, who knows. I still love this fic/verse and really appreciate everyone who reads and leaves kudos and comments. seriously, it makes my day. thanks guys!!


	3. Adventures in Babysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana and Lucio babysit, and all does not go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was oddly difficult? it was the first chapter I started, but the toughest to finish so far. actually *writing* babies is a lot harder than I thought it would be. writing hana and lucio was pretty fun, though! I hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> **tws for this chapter: none as far as I can tell, but if you spot one, let me know**

“I don't know about this, Hana,” said Lucio, staring down at the baby in his arms with wide eyes. Phoenix's bow-like lips curled into a smile; they seemed to care more about the attention itself than the type of attention. Not entirely unlike their father. Lucio offered a weak smile back at the baby.

“Don't know about what?” asked Hana, popping a bubble with her gum.

“This whole babysitting thing,” said Lucio. “What if we mess it up?”

“Roadhog will probably kill us,” said Hana, shrugging. Then, she added, “Or Junkrat. Or both. You know, that whole 'I'll hook 'em, I'll cook 'em' thing.” Lucio choked on his own spit. The baby laughed and Hana rolled her eyes. “Calm down, Luce. Babies can smell fear.”

“They can?” asked Lucio.

“Probably,” said Hana with another shrug. “Maybe not. I dunno. They look happy enough, right?” She bent down to Phoenix's level and tickled their belly. The baby giggled again. “Then again, look at this little monster! They're out for blood!”

“It's not funny, okay?” said Lucio. “This is a  _ baby _ . Junkrat and Roadhog's baby. And if there's one baby I don't want to mess up, it's theirs.” Junkrat was their friend, but now that he wasn't pregnant anymore and was allowed near explosives again, Lucio really didn't want to test the bounds of their friendship too much.

“Oh, come on,” said Hana. She took Phoenix from Lucio's arms, bouncing them gently. “They're just a baby. What are they gonna do? Burn down the Watchpoint?”

“Hey, if anyone's baby could do that, it'd be this one,” said Lucio.

“I guess,” conceded Hana.

“Besides, I'm not worried about what  _ they're _ gonna do,” Lucio continued. “I'm worried about what  _ we  _ could do to  _ them _ .” He looked again at the baby – their pudgy face and big amber eyes. “They're so… soft!”

“Look,” said Hana with a sigh. “We're both adults here. I think we can take care of a baby for, what, an hour? While their dads take a nap.”

“You're right, you're right,” said Lucio, nodding. “Plus, you've babysat before, right?”

“What?” said Hana. “No! Why, because I'm a girl?”

“No, said Lucio, sweating bullets at Hana's expression. She may have been small, but she could fit a lot of anger in that little body. Out on the field she channeled it into her gaming, but when someone pissed her off in regular life… well, Junkrat wasn't the only explosive one in their circle. “I just… thought I remembered something about you babysitting cousins?”

“I never got to,” said Hana. Her anger had subsided pretty quickly, but now she wore a sullen scowl. “Everyone thought I was a boy growing up, so they always picked my sisters to babysit.”

“Oh,” said Lucio. “I'm sorry.” Hana sniffed.

“It's fine,” she said, even though Lucio was pretty sure it wasn't.

“I've never babysat, either,” he said.

“Well,” said Hana, suddenly not sounding quite as confident as she had before. “Phoenix is fine right now, right? And Roadhog and Junkrat are just taking a nap. Can't be that long. Maybe Phoenix will… just sleep the whole time.”

As if on cue, Phoenix's face scrunched up and started turning red.

“Shit,” said Hana. Eyes wide, she immediately shoved the baby towards Lucio, who had no choice but to take them as they started to cry.

“Oh no oh no oh no oh no,” said Lucio, looking down at the baby's suddenly wrinkly little face. He looked at Hana again, terrified and accusatory. “Why'd you give them to me?”

“I don't know,” said Hana. “You're the  _ real _ adult here!” Lucio frowned. He cradled Phoenix close to his chest, then lifted them up to take a cautious whiff. No smell. He exhaled, relieved at the lack of imminent diaper-changing until he realized that he still had no idea what was wrong with the kid.

“Okay, let's think,” he said. “What do babies need?”

“Is this some kind of riddle?” asked Hana irritably, gnashing her teeth on her gum. “I'm not a mom – I don't know what babies need!”

“Yes, you do,” said Lucio. He bounced Nix, partially for the baby's benefit and partially for his own. Phoenix kept crying, but the motion lulled Lucio into a calmer state. “Clean diapers, contact, and food. That's pretty much it, right?”

“I guess,” said Hana, though there was a not-so-subtle hint of suspicion in her voice.

“I'm already holding them,” continued Lucio. “And they don't smell. So they're probably hungry.”

“Oh!” said Hana. “We have that baby bag that Roadhog gave us. There's formula in there!”

“Awesome,” said Lucio. “Go heat some up and we'll fix this baby. We got this.”

“We got this!” said Hana. She held up her hand for a high-five, but both of Lucio's hands were currently on the baby, and he wasn't about to move them. He gave her a look. “Oh, right. Mental high-five?”

“Mental high-five,” said Lucio. He bounced Phoenix some more, making hushed, soothing noises while Hana rummaged through the bag.

“Score!” she said, pulling out a bottle filled with powder. “It even has a little note with instructions taped on it! Roadhog thinks of everything!”

“He's definitely a good dad.” Almost surprisingly so. But then again, Roadhog did take pretty good care of Junkrat. “Anyway, just follow the instructions and we'll be good to go.”

“Roger that,” said Hana. She made a beeline for their kitchenette (really just a hotplate, a sink, and a pile of miscellaneous cookware), bottle in hand.

“It's all good, Nix. Aunt D.Va and Uncle Lucio are gonna make it all better.” The sound of Phoenix's continued wailing pounded through Lucio's head. Shifting the baby's weight to one arm, he dug around his pocket for his phone and pressed play on the last song that had been playing. Maybe it'd work on Phoenix the same way it worked on their dad. Nix's wailing paused for a moment as they seemed to consider the music, then started right back up again at full volume and timbre.

“You almost ready in there, Hana?” called Lucio, pocketing his phone again.

“Coming, coming!” said Hana as she rushed over, bottle in hand. She held it out to Lucio, who practically snatched it out of her hand, eager to make the crying stop.

“See?” said Lucio, angling the bottle towards Phoenix's mouth. “Aunt D.Va and Uncle Lucio have got you covered.” He moved the bottle closer to Nix… who pursed their lips tightly and turned their head sharply away.

“L-Lucio?” said Hana.

“They're not taking it,” said Lucio, eyes wide with horror. “Why aren't they taking it?”

“I heated it up just like the directions said!” protested Hana. “I tested it out on my wrist and everything! Not too cold, not too hot. Why won't they eat?”

“I dunno,” said Lucio, trying again to maneuver the bottle to catch Nix's mouth. It didn't work; the baby simply twisted away again, vehemently refusing the bottle. As they twisted, a patch of skin on their shoulder and neck peeked out from underneath their sweatshirt. Very red skin. With little bumps.

“Hana?” said Lucio.

“Yeah?” asked Hana. She was clutching at her hair absentmindedly, rumpling the normally straight strands.

“I think we've got a bigger problem here,” said Lucio.

“What do you mean 'a bigger problem'?” asked Hana, her voice already rising in pitch. Bottle still in hand, Lucio gestured for her to come over.

“Look,” he said grimly. Hana peered over at the thrashing baby. There was a gulp, then a gag. Lucio guessed that she had accidentally swallowed her gum.

“What,” she said, “the  _ hell  _ is that?”

“I don't know!” said Lucio. If his arms were free, he'd have thrown them up in the air. As it was, they were getting kind of tired from holding Nix this long. He wondered how someone as scrawny as Junkrat could manage it every day.

“Well, make it go away!” said Hana. Lucio chose to ignore that comment.

“I think we oughta go see Dr. Z,” he said.

 

* * *

 

 

They rushed the baby to the medical research lab as quickly as they could without running. After all, they were in a hurry, but Lucio didn't want to scramble the baby's brains or trip over his own feet and fall onto them or drop them or any of the million other horrific scenarios his brain played out for him. Phoenix's cries echoed through the hallways, but no one came out of their rooms to investigate. People at Overwatch were getting used to the sounds of a wailing baby ringing through the Watchpoint. Not all of them were particularly nice about it, either, at least one person complaining that he was “too old for this” and “this is why I never had kids.”

Hana frantically scanned her hand and burst into the lab, Lucio following close behind her. Scanning the main room of the lab and finding nothing, she began to call out.

“Angela!” she shouted. “Angela, we've got an emergency over here!” Almost immediately, Dr. Ziegler hurried out of a back room, pulling her blond hair up into its signature ponytail.

“What's the emergency?” she asked coolly. She spotted the baby in Lucio's arms and a crease formed between her eyebrows.

“The problem is with Phoenix?” she asked, sounding a little less cool this time. She strode over briskly and took the baby from Lucio's arms as gently as could be.

“We were babysitting and they started crying,” explained Hana. Her words rushed out so fast that they almost sounded like babble. “We checked their diaper and it was clean, and then we tried to feed them and they didn't eat, and then… and then they started to get this rash or whatever so we ran over here.”

“Are they sick?” asked Lucio. Dr. Ziegler looked closely at the screeching baby in her arms, felt their forehead, inspected the small bumps of their skin. Finally, she thumbed through the layers of fabric by the baby's neck. Dr. Ziegler made a huffing sound. Was she laughing? If she was laughing then it couldn't be that bad, right?

“Junkrat,” she said quietly, shaking her head. “He thinks that because he is cold here, the baby must be, too.” She looked up at Lucio and Hana, smiling. “Phoenix is fine. They just have heat rash.” She turned and laid the baby down on a padded table, removing the brightly-patterned sweater to reveal a long-sleeved shirt emblazoned with a little cartoon pig underneath it. She stripped that off, too, revealing more bumps on the baby's skin. Even though the doctor had said it was no big deal, Lucio couldn't keep himself from inhaling quickly and loudly at the sight.

“So… we didn't mess up the baby,” said Hana slowly. Dr. Ziegler laughed.

“No, no,” she said. “Junkrat sometimes overdresses them. He's a good parent, but a little forgetful sometimes.” With a glint in her eyes, she added, “In case you hadn't noticed. Roadhog usually reminds him, so this is a little unusual. Medically speaking, though, this is completely normal. Phoenix just needs to cool off. It may take a day or two for the rash to go down, but if Junkrat or Roadhog tries to give you trouble about it, send them to me.”

Lucio couldn't imagine telling an angry Roadhog not to blame him, but he nodded anyway. Free from over-warm clothing, Phoenix was already starting to quiet down. Lucio took his phone back out of his pocket and pressed play again. The crying abated, and both Lucio and Hana breathed out a sigh of relief. Sweet, sweet quiet.

“Is there anything we need to do?” asked Hana.

“Just keep the baby cool,” said Dr. Ziegler. “And remind Junkrat that he does not live in an Arctic climate.”

“Will do, Dr. Z,” said Lucio. He rubbed at his arms.

“Hey, Hana?” he asked sheepishly. “Could you carry Nix back?”

 

* * *

 

 

“So, I guess we'll have to explain ourselves, huh?” said Lucio.

“There's nothing for  _ us _ to explain,” said Hana, bouncing the baby as she walked. “It wasn't our fault. Right?”

“True,” said Lucio. “But there are still bumps all over the baby.”

“I g-- wait, what's that sound?” asked Hana. Even before they rounded the corner to their room, Lucio was pretty sure he knew what that sound was. It sounded like… yelling. Junkrat yelling.

“That's it, Roadie! I'm bustin' through!” There was a low rumble of sound, Roadhog's voice, unintelligible from this distance. “Fuck waiting, they could all be dead in there! Lucio, Hana, I'm comin' for ya!”

“Wait wait wait!” said Lucio, holding up his hands as he came into view of Junkrat and Roadhog. Junkrat sure looked read to bust in that door, peg leg poised and ready for a solid kick. Hana followed soon after, Phoenix in her arms.

“We've got Nix right here!” she said. Junkrat ran over to them and scooped Nix from Hana's arms. He immediately went into baby mode, cradling them and cooing at them. After a few seconds, he turned his attention to Hana and Lucio, eyes fiery.

“Where the hell were you?” he asked, accusatory. He looked down at Phoenix again and furrowed his brow. “And where's Nix's clothes?”

“We were at the medical lab,” said Lucio. A look of absolute terror crossed Junkrat's face. He immediately lifted the baby up and started examining them.

“You was at the doctor's?” he said. “Why was you at the doctor's what's wrong with Phoenix what did you do to my baby what--”

“Heat rash,” said Roadhog. Junkrat looked up at his partner.

“What?” he asked.

“Bumps,” said Roadhog. He pointed at the baby. “They've got heat rash. Again.” Junkrat shifted the baby to one arm so he could smack his hand to his forehead.

“I put too much clothes on 'em again,” he said. “Don't know how I forgot that.”

“I should've noticed,” said Roadhog.

“You were both really tired,” said Lucio.

“That don't mean that I can just  _ forget _ shit like--” Roadhog laid a hand on Junkrat's shoulder like Lucio had seen him do several times before, immediately cutting off Junkrat's self-flagellating rant. “Roight, roight. Thanks for taking little Nix to the doc. Sorry for almost breaking in your door.”

“No problem,” said Lucio.

“We're just glad they're okay,” said Hana.

“Yeah,” said Junkrat, smiling down at the baby. “Me too.”

Lucio ducked into the room and grabbed the baby bag. Cautiously, he handed it to Roadhog, along with the baby clothes. He'd known Roadhog for about a year now, but it was hard not to feel a little bit intimidated by the guy.

“How was your nap?” he asked, peering up into the reflective eyes of the gas mask. Roadhog offered a simple thumbs up in response. Not so scary.

“It was wonderful, mate,” said Junkrat. “Missed Phoenix the whole time, though.”

“You were asleep!” said Hana, laughing.

“So?” demanded Junkrat. He sniffed indignantly. “You just don't understand a father's love for his child.” Phoenix's face scrunched up and started turning red again, and within seconds they were crying.

“Oh,” said Junkrat. “Lunchtime!”

“How'd you know that?” asked Lucio. Junkrat shrugged.

“I dunno,” he said. “Sounds like a 'lunchtime' cry, is all. Anyway, we oughta be headin' back now. Thanks for watching over Phoenix for us. If we need a sitter again, we'll keep you in mind.” Roadhog gave a little wave as he and Junkrat took the baby and went back to their room. Hana and Lucio turned to each other and gave each other a weary high-five.

“Best babysitters?” asked Lucio.

“Best babysitters,” said Hana.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the heat rash thing is pretty much exactly what happened to my mother when I was a baby. I got this weird rash for no reason she could figure out, she freaked out and rushed me to the doctor... who told her that I was fine, just wearing too many clothes! anyway, this is the last of the three chapters I had already started. I've got a bunch of other ideas, but I'm not sure how to execute them, so I'm not sure how long it's going to be before I post the next chapter. my work schedule's gonna be lighter again this week, though, so maybe I'll get more done! 
> 
> and, as a final note... JUNKRAT BUSTIN' THROUGH!


	4. 'Tis The Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPECIAL BONUS CHRISTMAS MINI-CHAPTER! A tradition, observed. A holiday, celebrated. A reader's request, fulfilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! I guess it hasn't been that long - like six weeks - but it feels like it's been a pretty long time since I last posted. a lot has gone down in my life, including about a week's hospitalization for mental health reasons. anyway, I suddenly decided I wanted to do something seasonal about two nights ago, so this is really short and kind of rushed. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Junkrat didn't really “get” Christmas. In the Outback, it was only old folks – people who remembered life before the Omnium blew – who celebrated things like that. Having grown up mostly around other grimy kids, Junkrat hadn't inherited any holiday traditions. He didn't celebrate much of anything aside from a good heist, including his own birthday. Whenever that was.

Roadhog, however, just so happened to be one of those aforementioned old folks. If Junkrat hadn't known anything about Roadhog, he probably would've found the big guy's festivity to be a complete shock. Hana and Lucio certainly did, mouths hanging agape when they entered the couple's suite to find it completely decked out with garlands and lights and even an impressively-sized tree covered in shiny baubles. But Junkrat knew that his partner reveled in cutesy corniness to the extreme. The man must've felt like a pig in mud during Christmas season.

Junkrat, however, just felt cold.

He drew Phoenix closer to his chest, using the baby like a tiny space heater. Dr. Z had reminded him after the babysitting incident that little Nix wouldn't freeze to death in the temperate Mediterranean winter, so the baby was dressed in a red cotton onesie featuring a very round cartoon reindeer. At Roadhog's urging, Junkrat wore a matching sweater. Well, sort of matching. The sweater Junkrat had picked out was green with traditional winter sweater stitching that created a repeating pattern of one reindeer mounting another. Roadhog had been so surprised to see his partner gleefully pick out a Christmas sweater that he hadn't noticed the obscene image until they'd already taken pictures in it. At which point he'd been. A little pissed.

“I don't get what we need Christmas cards for anyway,” said Junkrat, still shivering in spite of the sweater. “Everyone we know lives here. They can see us whenever they want.”

“You'll want pictures of Nix later,” said Roadhog. “So will everyone else.”

“So we take pictures!” said Junkrat. “Don't need to get dressed up for it.” Roadhog grunted.

“Christmas cheer,” he said, and refused to comment any further.

* * *

The Incident occurred on December 23 rd . There was a knock on the door at exactly 5:15pm. Junkrat knew because Roadhog always put on dinner at exactly 5:00pm so it would be done at 5:30, which made Junkrat feel safe and comfortable. Grumbling about how dinner was about to be ready, Junkrat brooded towards the door and opened it, expecting to see Hana or Lucio or even Mei. Instead, what he found was that darn cowboy what done him wrong roundabouts a year ago, wearing a sheepish smile and holding a wrapped package. Junkrat stared, dumfounded, for a few seconds before the rage set in. He lunged at McCree, only to find himself being pulled backwards by the collar.

“Let me  _ go _ , Roadie!” he shouted. “I'm gonna fuck 'im up!” Roadhog did not release his grasp on the back of Junkrat's sweater. Junkrat growled and kept trying to charge forward as though his frantic movements would have any effect on Roadhog's vice-like grip.

“Look,” said McCree over Junkrat's frustrated yelps. “I've been feeling real guilty about how I acted last year.” Junkrat had now begun to flail his arms, hoping to snag the cowboy with his ragged, chewed-on nails. McCree took a healthy step back before continuing.

“Wasn't right of me to pick on a pregnant person,” he said. “Real cowardly, in point of fact. Shouldn't go 'round messing with vulnerable folks.” Junkrat felt his face heat up.

“I wasn't vulnerable!” he shouted, flailing his limbs. “I could've kicked yer ass if I wanted to!” McCree grimaced.

“Right, apologies,” he said. “What I mean to say is… we're all on the same team here. Should've kept that in mind before I treated you like that.”

“Roadie, are you gonna keep holding me back like a dog, or are you gonna let me give this bastard what's coming to 'im?” Honestly, Junkrat wasn't sure how much McCree would have coming to him at this point. He was starting to run out of energy from all the kicking and yelling. Thank God Nix was a heavy sleeper.

“Gonna hold you back,” said Roadhog. Junkrat turned his fiery gaze towards his partner, teeth gritted. Roadhog shrugged. “Christmas spirit. Forgiveness.” Just as Junkrat was about to yell again, he considered Roadhog's words. Any other time of year, he was pretty sure that Roadhog would've been right with him. Christmas traditions may have meant jack shit to Junkrat, but they meant a lot to Roadhog. He ceased his struggling and went limp like an animal giving up in the grip of a predator.

“You can let me go, Roadie,” he said, and Roadhog must've trusted him, because he did. Junkrat stumbled as he was released, but managed to regain his balance before falling flat on his face.

“Listen here, cowboy,” said Junkrat. “Lucky for you, I, the great Jamison Fawkes, am almost as generous as I am handsome. In the name of Christmas, I hereby declare you forgiven!” He eyed the package in McCree's hands. “That for me?”

“Sorta,” said McCree, looking relieved. He handed it over to Junkrat. “Go 'head and open it.” Greedily, Junkrat tore through the pretty snowflake paper, crumpling it up and delicately handing it to Roadhog once he was done. He opened the box and held up a white cotton onesie with something written on the front.

“I, I didn't know what size they were,” said McCree. “So it might be a little big.”

“They'll grow into it,” Junkrat mumbled. He was still trying to read the thing. Roadhog had helped him with sounds the letters made and some of the most common words, but reading was still a struggle. I… a symbol of a heart… my…

“I LOVE MY DADS!” cried Junkrat in glee. “Roadie, look! It says 'I love my dads'!”

“'S cute,” said Roadhog. To an outsider, he would've seemed impassive, but Junkrat could pick up Roadie frequencies inaudible to the untrained ear. Roadhog was ecstatic. McCree let out a long, slow breath.

“Glad you like it,” he said wearily.

“Like it?” said Junkrat. “I  _ love _ it! You're off the shit list, James McCree.”

“It's Jesse,” corrected McCree. Junkrat waved a hand.

“Whatever,” he said. Then, at Roadhog's gentle elbowing, he added, “thank you.”

“Any time,” said McCree. “So, we're square then?”

“We're triangles, mate!” said Junkrat. They all had a good laugh at that one. Or, at least Junkrat and McCree did. And if Jesse's laugh was a little more nervous than his, Junkrat didn't notice or care.

* * *

 

There  _ was _ one thing Junkrat unequivocally loved about Christmas: the food. It wasn't as though he'd been starving since he and Roadhog joined Overwatch. On the contrary – there was always plenty of food in the cafeteria, and now that they had their own kitchen Roadhog could cook exclusively Junkrat-friendly meals. But there was something about long-term starvation that made him really appreciate a good, gut-busting meal. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, exhaling contentedly at the mild discomfort in his belly. It was nothing compared to what he'd been through around a year ago.

The cause of that prolonged discomfort currently lay under a brand new baby gym next to their Aunt D.Va and Uncle Lucio. With wide amber eyes and tiny hands, Phoenix grabbed at a shiny little plush fish hanging above their head.

“Ooh, that's a good one,” said Lucio. For his Christmas present to Roadhog and Junkrat, he'd made a playlist of his top ten most soothing songs for Phoenix. He'd even made a couple that he called “Nix originals.” The waves of number eight were pulsing through the air right now, keeping Nix cooing and happy underneath the gym.

“Look at that dexterity!” said Hana as Nix managed to wrap their fingers around the fish. “Dude, we should've gotten them a tiny little controller!”

“They'd just stick it in their mouth,” said Junkrat, waving a hand. He belched loudly.

“Nice one!” said Hana. “Well, we'll keep working on those motor skills and someday Phoenix will go pro, just like their Aunt D.Va!”

“Whaddya think, Roadie?” asked Junkrat, turning towards his partner, who had sunken fully into his Roadhog-sized armchair. “Think Nix is gonna grow up to be a pro gamer?” Roadhog only grunted. Considering how much he'd eaten, Junkrat wouldn't have been surprised if he'd gone into a full‑blown food coma. They'd both really pushed it to the limit this Christmas. Nonetheless, Junkrat pushed himself up off his chair and plopped himself down on Roadhog's lap. Roadhog groaned, but tangled his fingers in Junkrat's hair affectionately.

“How's yer Christmas been, Roadie?” asked Junkrat, grinning up at his partner.

“You're here,” he answered simply. In spite of all the time they'd been together, despite the fact that they had a child together, Junkrat felt himself blushing.

“You're a sap,” he giggled.

“Thank you,” said Roadhog.

“For calling you a sap?” asked Junkrat.

“For celebrating,” said Roadhog.

“Yeah, well,” said Junkrat. “I know it means a lot to you, ya old bastard.” For the first time, Junkrat wondered what Christmas must've looked like before. Wondered about Roadhog's old holiday traditions, about Mako's. Him and his wife and kid gathered around the Christmas tree back on some New Zealand farm. Maybe some other people, too. Maybe singing. People sang on Christmas, right? Junkrat felt a little… what was he feeling? Sad? Wistful? But not jealous. He had his own family, he thought, looking at Phoenix and Hana and Lucio. He snuggled in closer to Roadhog.

“Maybe Christmas ain't so bad, after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CATHOLIC JUNKRAT MEME DOES NOT APPLY HERE  
> and everyone's seen those sweaters where the reindeer are fucking, right? right?  
> anyway, happy holidays, whichever ones you may celebrate. and if you don't celebrate any, just have a stellar time in general!


End file.
